WHAT A CHANGE WE ARE GOING THROUGH!

Oh now that Christmas is over.... it seems the real world begins again! hehe.

Joslyn had her first ever cold! She had a fever of 101.4 the morning after Christmas and she had a stuffy nose. Luckily after one dose of Tylenol, her fever went down and did not come back. We were able to bring her to her Pediatrician... who checked her out and told us she had a cold! Her first ever illness! I was upset..... we had kept her healthy for 8.5 months! Her cold ran its course.... we rubbed Vick's Vapor Rub and turned the water to HOTTTTT. We all sat in the bathroom (even Mackinac) and we played on the floor. We also did 2 days of Tylenol and I also pumped and we gave her breast milk bottles. That way we knew how much she was taking in. I am happy to say she is back to being normally healthy!

She is also a crawling, pulling herself up.... LETTING go with one hand!!!!!!!!! (YIKES) drinking from A SIPPY!!!! (YAHOO!) and learning to sleep in her cribby. As she is out growing her bassinet.

Hope everyone had a merry Christmas!



Jacky

GI check up

Yesterday we were suppose to have her "last" GI appt. But someone made an error when they made our appointment. Dr. Lui was not at the main office! So she just got weighed and measured. I have a call into Dr. Lui's nurse seeing if we need to reschedule or not.

Joslyn now weighs 16 lbs 9 ounces and is just about 26 inches long. This puts her in the 10-25% for both her weight and length. She is doing super... she is still a little small..... but she is growing and looking SO GREAT!

She is also learning how to suck out of her Nuby Straw sippy cup! She drank about 1/2 ounces out of it yesterday!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It will be the most wonderful, perfect, MERRY, amazing, happiest Christmas I think we have ever had. Our gift is here.... not in my belly, but here with us. She is healthy, (minus her reflux) happy, amazing, and every other wonderful word there is!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Love to everyone!
Jacky, Stephen, Joslyn olivia and Mackinac Island

CRAWLING!

Joslyn just turned 8 months last week! 8 months old!!!!!!! WOWZERS!!!!!
Right now she is 35 weeks old!

Look at her go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe

We are having sippy cup issues. Joslyn will not drink out of them! We have gone through 2 different cups.... with and without plastic sippy parts. She just will not suck! So we are on a mission now.

Here she is just before she started crawling!!!


Jacky

Christmas Lights!

Saturday night, we went to see Christmas Lights at Pettit Creek Farm. They have a huge property that they light up with lights every year. We have gone EVERY year since we moved to Georgia. It is so much fun! I bring a cup of hot chocolate, we turn Christmas music on, turn off the car lights, and go about 4 miles an hour!
This year Joslyn was with us! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Stephen's parents came too. It was great! Joslyn sat in the front with Stephen and I. (Only while we were at the farm. Then we put her back in her car seat.) SHE LOVED IT! They have tons and tons of lights. They also have reindeer, camels, other crazy animals, and EVEN SANTA! Sadly we could not see him. But he was there! Joslyn stayed awake for the whole thing and she talked the whole time!!!! It was so funny!
However, on our way home.......... she fell asleep HARD! **See last picture**

heeh

Jacky

OH MY GOSH!!!

Well Joslyn weighs 15 lbs 15.5 ounces!!!! She is pretty much 16 pounds! OH IT WAS A GREAT MOMENT! She is now in the 10-25% for her weight! She is moving on up!!!!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so excited about her weight gain! It is amazing, since she is still breastfed and not on formula at all. Makes me feel like I can accomplish the whole breastfeeding thing! hehe

Here are some more pictures from the other night! Little Miss 16 pounds! hehe

Jacky

it has been a while!

I did not realize I have not posted in a long time. I guess it is true that time flies when you are having fun!

Joslyn is in such a great stage right now! She is rolling EVERYWHERE, says "dadda" more than her version of mamma (which is still "Ema".) She is also letting other people hold her now! She even puts her hands up for grandma and grandpa! She started doing that about 2 weeks ago! That was sooooo sweet to see!

Mackinac is in LOVE with her now! He gives her his toys and they play together! He will nudge his bally to her and she will pick it up. He just does not know that she can not throw it yet. He still will make her laugh just by walking by!

She goes to her Pediatrician tomorrow, for the second half of her 6 month shots and to be weighed. EVERYONE has seen a change in her size..... she is filling out so well. She still does not have chubby rolls....but she is getting bigger! We are hoping to see 16 pounds. The last time she went was the end of October and she was 14 lbs 6 ounces. She still had not doubled in her birth weight. But we think she may be close to 16 lbs if not 16 lbs now! If she is 16 lbs then that would put her in the 10-25 percentile. That would be soooooooo NICE! But we will see tomorrow.

She is now eating: Sweet taters, apple sauce, bananas (every once in a while... since they tear her up) pear sauce, green beans, carrots, bread pieces, bitter biscuits, mashed taters, and we will be trying Avocado this weekend. She is also trying to use a sippy cup. The first time she used it she knew to suck on it but now she is only bitting it.

Her first Thanksgiving was AMAZING! We also set up our Christmas tree! It was a special moment as I put on our angel babies (Lima Bean's and Babby Heart's) ornament. It made me realize what we are missing this year, but as I looked over at Joslyn.... it made me also realize what we have this year! We have an amazing miracle, our other two babies are in a wonderful place, and everyone is where they should be. We still wish that our angel babies were with us, but we also believe that there is a little piece of both of them in Joslyn....we find peace in that. (I still cried putting their ornaments up though.)

I will update on her weight tomorrow! For now here are some updated pictures of Joslyn

Breasfeeding.....

breast feeding article

We have battled breastfeeding...... some battles were very tough! But I have always been stubborn in the fact that I was NOT going to give up. This article gives me the strength to keep on going!!!!

Joslyn's first pumpkin!

Joslyn went to her first Pumpkin Patch this weekend! She got to pick out a pumpkin for her and Mackinac! She had a blast! She wanted to touch every pumpkin she could!!! Then we got some more pictures taken at Grandma and Grandpa's house..





Joslyn tried a new food this week too. She tried Mashed Sweet Taters! She loves them! So now her menu looks like this: Breast milk, pears, naners, carrots, baby cereal, and sweet taters! She loves to eat her food! She goes for her 6 month well visit this week....... we are hoping for a great weight gain!

This weekend was packed full of new stuff for Joslyn! She also has out grown her baby bathy tub! So now she has graduated to the big girl tubby! She got a bathy in our tubby and she got to play and play and play with the water! She loved it!

From Joslyn Olivia growing up

What a silly girl she is!!!!!!!!!!


Jacky

14 lbs!!! WAHOO!

Joslyn now weighs 14 pounds! That is amazing weight gain for her! She has gained 1.5 lbs in 3 weeks and an inch as well. She is 25.5 inches long now! Her GI Doc was so proud of her weight gain, and just as happy that we have not stopped breast feeding her! He said that we can see him in 10 weeks and if all is still well then.... we wont have to make another apt to see him.... unless something is wrong! She is on her way to no longer be considered "poor weight gain." WAHOO!

Her reflux is some what being managed. She still refluxes up and back down....we can still hear it. But her breathing is not being affected. (PHEW!!)

On the food side..... Joslyn LOVES bananas so much! However.... she was eating 1 whole banana a day. She would get half in the morning and half at night. But now she is so constipated. She is having such a hard time with her poopys... that she was getting clammy and crying. Her poops where so hard and small for so many days.... that we finally broke down and gave her a suppository. A few minutes later she pooped a bit more and out the med came! But she was happier after that.... so hopefully that helped her. We have decided to only give her cereal from now on.... until her body returns to normal. but bananas will not be an option for some time. Poor thing... she loves them soooooooo much!


Jacky

6 months old!!!

oh happy day... Joslyn is 6 months old!!!
She is doing so well with her reflux. Still no grey episodes and no gasping. (Fingers crossed!) She is still refluxing up and down.... but she seems to not be too bothered by it! She is sitting up ALL BY HERSELF! How great is that?! Now the task is to get her to stay on her belly! She seems not to enjoy that anymore. (hint of her reflux) When we put her on her tummy... she will almost immediately roll to her back. So rolling from her back to her belly....... that one may be hard to get to!

Here is a video of her bouncing in her jumper. She has only recently learned to bounce in it and not just twirl around in it! It is soooo funny to watch her!



She seems to be gaining weight still..... we will find out this week how much weight she has gained. We are excited. We do not think she has doubled her birth weight (still) but she is getting there. The rule of thumb is by 6 months they should have doubled in their birth weight. Maybe by 7 months Joslyn will be there.


Jacky

Joslyn at 25 weeks.... gaining weight.

Hi everyone... We have been busy and I have not updated my blog in about 2 weeks. Sorry!
But I have some good news. Last week Joslyn went to her Pediatrician for her weight check and half of her shots. She weighed in at 12 lbs 15.4 ounces! Which means in one week she gained 10 ounces. So it seems the new feeding plan is working! We are so excited about it! She seems to be getting bigger and bigger each day now. You should see her thighs! WOWZERS!!!! They are looking sooooooo great! We are very stubborn about breast milk. I have been in communication with a La Letche League consultant and it seems that I may have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. Simply meaning that I have a lot of front milk (the sugary, thin milk) and not as much hindmilk (the fatty thick milk.)
That could be why Joslyn is having poor weight gain, she is not getting the high fat (calorie) milk. We are working on correcting that, as it can be fixed!!! I have battled sooooo much in breastfeeding Joslyn, that I am not willing to give up just because of another issue! It is clear that she can gain a great amount of weight as long as we continue the feeding plan that we have. Her GI Doc was very excited about the 10 ounce weight gain! He was not expecting that much. HURRAY FOR MOMMY'S MILK!!

Joslyn has tried home made apple sauce...... sadly she was not too big on it. So she is still getting cereal with breastmilk (that seems the be her fav!)
We will be introducing another form of solid food this coming week. We can only add one new food each week. Just in case she has a problem. We are looking for a baby food mill so we can make our own food for her.

She has been saying "EEEEE MA" (her word for mama) it is sooo funny. She will only say it when she is crying though. She will look at me and say "EEEEE MA!" or "EEEEE MAM" how great is that?!

Jacky

Poor weight gain at 23 weeks old

Joslyn had her GI appointment yesterday. Sadly, Joslyn is now diagnosed with "Poor weight gain." Joslyn weighed in at 12.5 lbs and 24.5 inches long. So her GI doc believes she is not gaining weight due to low caloric intake. He believes it has nothing to do with the amount of ounces she is getting (As she was weight before and after a feeding and she gained 5 ounces) but apparently my "mommy's milk" is low in calories. So we have a new feeding plan. I can continue to nurse, but we have to supplement with 2-3 ounces of breast milk after each feeding. We go back to Joslyn Pediatrician in one week for 2 shots (and now for a weight check) and we hope to have gained weight. I have to keep her GI Doc updated on her weight and we go back to see him in 3 weeks. If Joslyn has not gained enough by then.... she may have to go through more tests. (Which we hope not!) He may also have me pump each feeding so he can know how many ounces she is getting in her.

He gave us the go ahead to introduce solids. Last night she had her first bite of rice cereal! I mixed 1 table spoon of cereal with 1 ounce of breast milk. She LOVED it! She did so well! However..... cereal only has 60 calories in 1/4 of a cup! So she is not getting any extra calories with the cereal......plus she can only get it once a day. Next week we hope to mix in some home made apple sauce to give it extra flavor.

We know how much prayer and well wished work! Joslyn would not be here if they did not work. We are asking for more prayers and well wishes! Joslyn looks perfectly healthy and happy. Poor thing just needs to gain some weight. She is in the 3-5% for her weight. She is dangerously close of falling off of the weight curve. (Which is not good at all.) Please hope and pray that the new feeding plan will work!

On a funny note.... we used to call me "Milk Cow" now I am known as the "SKIM MILK COW!"

Thank you all for loving our baby girl....I hope the next update will bring better news!

Jacky

"NO MOMMY DONT LEAVE!"

That is what Joslyn would be saying if she could talk! It seems our little miracle Sticky Bean is learning Separation Anxiety. If I leave the room she is in, and she watches me leave, she will scream so loudly! I come back into her view and she stops! hehe. She will even smile sometimes! From what I can remember, most babies do not learn that until they are a bit older! Leave it to Joslyn to be 5 months old and already know about Separation Anxiety!
She also knows to make sure Stephen and/or I am around when some one holds her.... if she will let them hold her! If she can not see us..... the chances are good that she will scream! I call that love!!!!! hehe
**Secretly... I love that! But shhhh don't tell anyone!**

Jacky

5 months old!!!!

Joslyn turned 5 months old on September 11! What an a mazing LITTLE creature she is! she can sit on her own now, for a few minutes if she does not get distracted. She is continuing to pull herself up with out help! How crazy is that?! When she sees something that she wants, she will simply dive to get it! No matter where she is..... she is very trusting! We have to be careful now how we hold her, or she could "dive" out of our arms.

She has not been eating well for about 3 weeks now. She will nurse for 3-4 minutes and then pull off and cry. I am lucky if I can get her to nurse for 10 minutes total! So we went in to see her doctor for a weigh in. She is still gaining weight so they are not concerned. But we are. Her GI Specialist appt is on the 24th. SO we plan on talking to Dr. Lui about her feeding. She is back on Prevacid, in hopes that the med will help her feeding. (if it is her reflux) Her Pediatrician thinks her feeding needs are just changing, so she does not need as much as she used to. But that does not explain why she will nurse for 3-4 mins and cry. When she went for her weigh in, she was 11 lbs 15.5 ounces (on an empty tummy) and when I fed her she was 12 lbs 2.9 ounces. She is still tiny.... but gaining weight. We will see what her GI Doc says.

On a good note: she is still has "hammy" as ever! See her picture.... that was taken on the 11th (her 5 months bday.) She is posing!!! What a funny girl!!!!!


Jacky

reflux not doing so well and well visit update

Poor Joslyn. She has been having a rough week with her reflux. She was doing pretty well after we put her back on her Zantac.... but then a few days later she began having horrible feeding issues. She would arch her back, scream, cry... latch back on for a few seconds and start the whole thing over again. So we upped her dose to .8 ml (the doc said we can give her 1 ml now.) I had been eating something different during breakfast so I stopped that yesterday. I had been having one piece of toast with apple butter on it. Today she ate better than she has been. So either the medicine is helping, she was being hurt by the apple butter, or a combination both. Reflux is not fun. It is heart breaking when you know that all she wants to do is eat... and she can not. It is not a hunger cry she is doing. It is a painful cry. It is just so sad....It is a feeling that I can not describe. I feel so helpless.. all I can do is try the maalox and try to calm her down. She arches her back so much that you can barely hold her. She gets sooo stiff that you can't even cuddle with her. It just brings me to tears.

On a happier note. Joslyn now weighs 11 lbs 15 ounces. (This was after a feeding. Before her feeding the doctor weighed her and she was only 11 lbs 10 ounces. We were upset that she only gained 10 ounces in one month.... but I fed her and weighed her again and found out that she got 5 ounces in that feeding. So we were much happier!!!)
She is almost 25 inches long and her head is 16 inches long.
This puts her in the 5-10% for weight
25-50% for height
and 25-50% for her head.

The doctor is not concerned about her weight as she is gaining. She said that Joslyn just may be a petite baby, however if her weight slows down and she drops in the % then we will have to look into that more. But so far no concern! wahoo!!!!!!! Joslyn got one shot and her RotoVirus vaccine. We will go back next month for her other 2 remaining 4 month shots. Breaking them up is working for us. She seems to not have a bad reaction at all. I had to give her 2 doses of Tylenol.... but other than that no fever, no rash, no red mark where she got her shot. She did well.

Right now Joslyn is sleeping so peacefully! I wonder what she dreams about. Sometimes she will laugh in her sleep, giggle, smile and she is talking in her sleep right now! So sweet... the sound is just so sweet.

Jacky

PS little pooky is 20 weeks old!!!!!

Back on Zantac

We have made the decision to put Joslyn back on Zantac. She has not been eating normally for about a week now. She pulls off and screams, stiffens her body,she then either will refuse to latch back on orshe will latch on and pull right off and start the whole process over again. I thought she was getting mad at the fact that my let down had slowed down. I have over active let down.... so when she begins to nurse she chokes at the amount of milk coming out. She seemed to begin screaming right when my let down slowed down. So I thought she wanted it to come out fast again and when it did not she got mad. But this had been happening for over a week.. almost 2 weeks. So Stephen and I decided to try her medicine again. We are still nervous about giving her Prevacid... so we decided to try Zantac. I started her on her Zantac yesterday morning.....The effects started yesterday afternoon. She began to nurse longer and this morning at her 10 am feeding she nursed for 7 minutes the first one and then 10 minutes the second one. But she did something she has not done for 2 weeks...... when she was done with the second one she de-latched, looked up at me and began to talk and smile! OHHHHHH HOW I HAVE MISSED THAT!!!!!!It seems she was not getting mad but she has having relfux flare ups. So it looks like we are back on medicine again................... At this moment she is playing on her own! She is not screaming.... not crying..... not calling for me! It is now 10:32 AM and she just finished eating not too long ago.... and she is HAPPY!!!!! Oh happy day!

Joslyn is 19 weeks old and she goes to her doctor tomorrow for her 4 month well visit.


Jacky

First Art Project!

Yes yes yes.... we are just silly enough to have Joslyn do an art project! Since she can hold objects I thought that maybe she could hold a marker and color! What a genius she is! Look at the beautiful job she did!!!!!!!

Mommy's attempt at a professional photo shoot

This is one of the boxes we painted for Joslyn's room. She fit perfectly inside for her daily photo shoot! Here she is 18 weeks old! Do you think her first word will be "moo"?
hehe

Jacky

Back from vacation!

We got back from a week long vacation last week. We decided to try our luck and pack up both of our babies and head to Michigan to visit family. We were nervous about how Joslyn would travel in the car for 12 hours. But man she did so well! We kept our schedule and she did amazing! We left at 3:30 in the morning and did not wake her up. We put her in the truck last and we all headed off. Mackinac was in the back with her, and he left her alone the whole time! What a great fur-baby he is!
We kept her on the apnea monitor the whole trip up and back home. We did not want to have to worry if she was having a problem as we could not see her. She woke up for her 7 am feeding... went back to sleep... woke up for her 10 am feeding... went back to sleep and so on and so on.

My one tip for traveling with a, at the time, 3 month old.... keep your schedule! Do not wake them just to put them in the car. If you keep your normal schedule.... your baby will not be thrown off at all! Joslyn did not even have a hard time that night. She slept all night just like normal.


I did learn a lesson though. I can not drink O.J. She had such horrible episodes of her silent reflux... it was so sad. She would try to nurse (3 days in a row) at her 7 pm feeding, and just scream. We were so happy we brought her Maalox, it was a life saver! So now I know that I can only stick to water. (Maybe a sprite every once in a while.) We just never thought of juice being a problem... but it does make sense... all of that acid in the juice. I felt so bad, I had caused Joslyn to have such horrible reflux pain. Once I had stopped drinking it and it was out of my system.. she was back to normal. Lesson learned.


Jacky

18 weeks old

Joslyn Olivia has turned 4 months old! She is so much more amazing every day that goes by! Just when we think she can not possibly get any cuter.... she does! She is now able to sit with little assistance, which to us is HUGE! She was giggling... but has since gone back to squealing with excitement. Which is just fine with us.... it is sooo cute!
She is really showing a lot of interest in food. She will try to grab our plates or food if they are in her reach now. Boy is she getting fast!

In the past couple of weeks, she has really noticed Mackinac. She will watch him walk by and she will even see him from across the room. Sometimes it looks like she is thinking "you are different! What are you?" Her face is so funny.

What is new? Well now we have to strap her into her bouncy seat! She has gotten close to wiggling out of it... so we would rather be safe than sorry. (No more visits to Scottish Rite please.)

I measured her the other day. She is 26 inches long!!!! That means she is in the 90-95% for her length! She is one long baby girl! But her weight is still in the 10%. If we were right she is 11.5 pounds, but we find out when we go back to the doc for her 4 month well visit next week. We are hoping for 12 pounds by then. She is not losing weight and she is gaining each month. But we still wonder if they will label her "failure to thrive." We do not think so.. as she is growing and meeting all of her milestones (some sooner than normal.) But if everyone could add a prayer for healthy weight gain, we would be greatly appreciative.

I say it every day... but sometimes I just don't think I can feel it or say it enough... I just love our little miracle sticky bean. Just looking at her is a miracle in itself. What a wonder she is! What a wonder!

Jacky

August 1

On this day, August 1 will be one year ago we found out that we were pregnant! Yes, one year ago we found out our little Sticky Bean was nice and cozy inside my tummy. How amazing it is to look back this time last year. I took 3 tests and they were all positive! Stephen was at work for only about 45 minutes when I called him shaking and crying! I asked him if he was "ready for another try?" I will always remember his answer..... "are you sure?" hehe. I had 3 positives tests to be sure! And so started our wonderful, scary, emotional, happy trip to our new life!

Jacky

Joslyn giggled!

Last night during dinner, Joslyn let out the cutest giggle! It was the first time she has done that! She was sitting on my lap, Stephen and I were eating, and she just giggled! It came out of no where! We thought maybe she did it by accident... but a few moments later..... she giggled again! It was so funny. We have been waiting for some time to hear her giggle! I am just so glad that Stephen was home from work to hear it for the first time! When she giggled her whole body wiggled! Oh it was just too funny!

She is doing well this week so far. Last week she had a couple of breathing episodes. But so far, nothing this week. (knock on wood) We are still going the no medicine route. Since the medicine can not stop her reflux or her apnea and we saw no change in her while on medicine... we opted to go medicine free. The medicine is only suppose to lessen the acid when she does reflux. But she did not seem bothered by the acid (when it comes up or when it goes back down). We still see no change in her with or without meds. However, we still have her medicines and her Maalox if she needs them. But so far she has been doing well.

Jacky

Check up!

Joslyn saw her doctor today! She got the rest of her 2 month shots, (just not right to see her hurt that much!) and she got weighed.

Our "Little Bit" now weighs 11 pounds! Not 11 lbs and so many ounces.... just 11 pounds! How funny! That is the number I wanted to see...... I guess be careful what you wish for! hehe.

Her other numbers are: 24 inches long and her head is 15.5 inches around. So her percentages look like this:
Length = between percentile 50 and 75
Weight = in percentile 10
Head Circumference = in percentile 25

She is continuing to gain 1 pound per month. Which is really good! (for her)

We got her some new toys today. One is a large ball which we can play with to help her reflux. We put her on the ball, tummy side down, and roll the ball back and forth. When she gets older she can pick up toys when we roll the ball forward. She seems to like it so far..... not really sure what she thinks of it though. She just kind of hung out on it! It was kind of funny!
The only problem with the ball.... Mackinac used to have one just like it! So he thinks it is his! Poor baby boy......His face was so sad when I had to tell him "no Mac." I think I broke his heart! I hate that. But he was good about it and let his sissy play with it.

Joslyn is resting right now.... these shots seemed to do a number on her this time. One shot is each leg! (I cried again and Stephen wanted to take her pain away.)

'til next week!

Jacky

our schedule

To me, a schedule is so important to have to keep your day running as smoothly as possible. Of course things will happen that can throw you off.... but for the most part if you keep your schedule then your day will go by pretty well. We have worked very hard to keep Joslyn on a good schedule and so far everything is going well!
Our typical day looks like this:

6:30-7:00 am: First and only bottle of breast milk Apnea monitor off)
7:30 am: Joslyn gets dressed for the day
7:45 am: First morning nap (Apnea monitor on)
8:30ish am: She wakes up (Apnea monitor off for the day)
9:15ish am: second morning nap
10:00 am Time to wake up for nursing
11:30 am: Late morning nap
12:30-1:00 pm: She wakes up
1:00 pm: Afternoon nursing
2:30 pm: Joslyn takes her afternoon nap
3:30-4:00 pm: Joslyn wakes up
4:00 pm: Late afternoon nursing

now sometimes she will fall asleep in between her 4:00 pm feeding and her 7:00 pm feeding. Most days she stays awake.

7:00 pm: evening nursing
8:45ish pm: little evening nap
9:15 pm: we all go upstairs for the night, Joslyn wake up
9:30 pm: time to get ready for bed, put on Apnea monitor, and last feeding for the night.
10:00-10:30 pm: Bed time.

She does not wake up until around 5:30 am. At this time I put her in bed with us until her 6:30 am feeding.

During the weekends, her morning times may change a bit. However we do not let her sleep past 7:00 am without feeding her.

There is our daily routine! I can not tell you how fast some days go by with this schedule!

Jacky

14 weeks old...

So much has been going on! Joslyn has found her voice!!!! She is talking so loudly now! Just in the past week she has learned how to make her voice louder than ever! You no longer have to listen to hear her talk to you..... now you can hear her even if you are in another room!!!!! It is great! She will have complete conversations with you. It seems every time she is awake she is talking. What an amazing sound! It is just so sweet! Her giggle is still a squeak......but boy does it make us laugh!


I had my 27th birthday Thursday. I have to say it was one of my best birthdays. We did not go anywhere, but I was able to hold, play with, and watch our miracle all day long. There is no better gift than that. Stephen made me a DVD of Joslyn with some of the videos we have made so far and he put some amazing music to it. He asked me if I was ready to cry before we watched it. Well I did cry! Just watching the videos of her up to this point... even the videos of her birth. What an amazing thing! Then we had ice cream on an icecream cone with a candle on top! I was holding Joslyn at the computer and Mackinac and Stephen came from the kitchen. It looked like Mac knew something special was coming to me! He ran out of the kitchen straight to me with the biggest grin on his furry face! It was so funny! They all sang the birthday song and I made my wish before I blew out the candle.
I have to say it was the best birthday ever! I was surrounded by my family, my perfect little family! I had both of my babies, furrless and furry, and my loving husband. I could not ask for anything else!

Joslyn goes back to her doctor this week for her second round of 2 month shots and another weigh in. I will keep you all posted then!!! (We are hoping for 11 lbs!!!)

Jacky

Happy 3 month birthday!

Yes, it is true! Joslyn had her 3 month birthday yesterday! She has come so far in 3 months, and has done so much in her short time! We took a video last night and boy did she make it a great video! She saw her daddy sneeze and she was very confused by it! She is the one who sneezes.... so to see someone else do it really had her interested. It was funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KezTrH744f0

Daddy was sick today, we had to take him to the ER. But he is doing much better now since they gave him an IV with a "migraine cocktail" in it. It is sad to say, but both of us have a history of migraines...... so we are concerned for her later in life. We pray that she does not suffer with migraines. But if she does..... we both know how it feels and we think we can help her through them.

Jacky

Rolling over at 12 weeks!!

MAJOR NEWS!!!! Friday (July 4th) Joslyn rolled from her tummy to her back!!! It was so amazing! She was showing her Aunt Nicole how well she does on her belly and how well she pushes up with her elbows. Then all of a sudden....... she rolled over! It looked like she had been doing it for ever! Such ease! All in all she did it 5 times that day! What a pro! Then the next day she rolled over more but this time she went in the other direction! How talented is she?! She can lift her head so high ans can sit up with us holding her like a tiny person!
We are using a toy that her cousins used to use. It is one that she can kick and music and lights turn on. She loves it! She is always moving her legs so it is perfect for her. Our little precious is growing up!!!!!!!!

Favorite thing to do:
Suck on her hands! Who needs a paci when you have tasty fingers and hands? hehe.

She still loves Mr. Fan, however Mr. Tree has lost his ranking! She seems less interested in him now. His stories must have gotten old! hehe.

She is still sleeping through the night..... 8.5 hours last night without waking up! (amazing to us still.)

Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!!!

Jacky

11 weeks

Joslyn continues to do amazing at night! We have stuck to our feeding routine and she is doing great! I nurse her every 3 hours during the day... and half of the time she tells me it is time and I look at the clock and she is right! hehe.
At night she gets her last night feeding at 9:30 and is in bed by 10:30. She then will sleep all night long, beginning to stir around 5:30 am. I will then try to put her back asleep or I just put her on me with pillows surrounding me so she won't slip off. We stay that way until 6:30 or 7:00 am depending on the day of the week. She then will get her morning feeding. We are so blessed to have a baby who sleeps all night! I have to say making a regular schedule is a huge help! I will wake her during the day to feed, but not at night. I double checked with her pediatrician, and she said that is fine. Since she is continuing to put on weight, despite her Silent Reflux, then letting her sleep all night is perfectly fine.

I am still working on getting her Tucker Sling and wedge.
www.tuckersling.com

Our insurance company will pay 100% for it however I just have to find a Durable Medical Company that carries them! I am getting closer.... just alot of time on the phone. But it is for Joslyn and it will help her Silent Reflux.... so it is all worth it.

We are looking foward to her first 4th of July!!! She already has her outfit (2 of them to be honest!!!) Mackinac has his Pupperoo bandanna so we are all ready!!!!
www.pupperoo.com

Jacky

10 week update...

Can you say 9 lbs 15 ounces..... 23 1/2 inches long?????? Yupp, that is what she measured on Monday at her 2 month check up! She is in the 25% for her weight and 75% (!!!!) for her height! She is one tall slender little precious!
She also got half of her 2 month immunizations. Stephen and I did not want her to get all her immunizations at once, so she got half on Monday and we go back next month to get the other half. The doctor said she is doing very good. It was funny, when the nurse began talking about giving Joslyn her shots, Joslyn went from a happy loving girl in her daddy's arms to a screaming scared baby as soon as the nurse said "shots". I told the nurse that Joslyn is very smart and the nurse said "Next time I will spell it out." It was very funny. Over all she did well getting her immunizations. She did scream right as the nurse put the needle in her leg but she recovered very quickly. Within minutes she feel back asleep. I cried (and I think I saw a tear in Stephen's eyes as well), but we made it through.

At her GI Specialist appointment the next day..... Dr. Lui took her off of Zantax and put her on Prevacid. He wrote a prescription for a Reflux Sleeping wedge... we just have to find one where our insurance company will pay for it.
He was happy we took her off of the Reglan, and seemed pleased with how we handle her episodes. He said to continue to handle them the way we are, keep her elevated 30 minutes after each feeding, and to give her Maalox when she has an episode during nursing.
All in all, it was a good visit. (They weighed her there as well and she was just over 10 lbs... but she had just nursed before we walked in! She is our sack of potatoes! hehe) We go back to Dr. Lui in 3 months.
We are hoping the Prevacid will work well for her... as we hear really good things about that medicine.... Grandpa is on it for his Reflux! Isn't that sweet?? They share the same medicine!!!

On another good note.... Today Joslyn finally fits in her outfit we bought her after her first good OBGYN Appt! (6 weeks pregnant) It was the first thing we bought her (before we knew she was a she.) I have been waiting to put it on her for soooo long! So now instead of being under my pillow while I sleep..... it is on her body!
It feels so amazing to see it on her little body. It is what got me through.... we even brought it with us when we went to the hospital to have her. I did not sleep without the little outfit under my pillow.

I still have the little white shoes hanging on my rear view mirror in my car.... maybe one day she will wear those too!!!!!


Jacky

9 weeks old!

Joslyn will be 9 weeks tomorrow!!! (6-13-08)

She has been having more problems with her reflux. We think she has Silent Reflux, which means she is not spitting the acid up and it is going back down.... causing twice the harm. (what she has been doing since she was rushed to Scottish Rite) She has also been gasping for air when this happens. It is a horrible sound.. but luckily the Apnea monitor has not been going off, so she is not long between breaths. We made an appointment with a GI specialist for June 24. We are hoping to get a better idea on how to help her, and get a special sleep wedge that will keep her at a 30 degree angle when she sleeps. That is suppose to help her reflux.

We have taken her off of the Reglan medicine. It has way too many bad side effects which she has shown some of them. Luckily, she was only showing increased crying/screaming fits that we could not stop. That is one of the "best" reactions if you are going to have reactions from that medicine. We are just too scared of what that medicine can do to adults.... let alone a 2 month old miracle baby girl. However she is still on Zantac.

Since we have taken her off the Reglan, she has not had nearly the amount of uncontrollable screaming fits. For 2 weeks she would get so upset and there was nothing Stephen or I could do, which was heart breaking for us. We now know it was one of the side effects from the Reglan.

On a happy note.... she has found her fingers and hands! She has figured out that she can wave her hands in front of her face.... and she does it all the time!!!! It is so funny! It looks like she is trying to punch the air!

Jacky

found this article

Stephen came across this article the other day. It does not mention miscarriages, but a hard decision and a miracle baby in the end.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,363434,00.html

Jacky

8 weeks old!

Joslyn is now 8 weeks old (and 1 day)!!!She is getting bigger and bigger everyday! Although she still is a tiny little thing! Socks are fitting her better now, some of them still fall off but for the most part they fit.

She is lifting her head soooo high while playing during tummy time. She stretches her neck so much that she looks like a turtle coming out of her shell! It is too cute.
We took a drive yesterday and she did so well! She seems to love the car and being outside. Although with the temp almost 100 degrees yesterday, it was soooooo hot!
She seems to have my skin, very sensitive. Her face breaks out while in the sun or heat. She gets little red bumps and her face looks all red. Poor darlin, it is so sad to see. We found that if we put a cold, wet cloth on her neck it seems to help.

She goes back to the doctor in 2 weeks..... we can't help but wonder how much she will weigh then! Anyone want to place some guesses????

Jacky

2 year wedding anniversary

Today is our wedding anniversary! Two years ago today, Stephen and I said "I do" at Amicalola Falls. We have realized A LOT has happened in the 2 short years we have been married.....and we get to celebrate with the best gift of all...... Joslyn Olivia! It is a much happier celebration from last year, as this time we have our baby girl in our arms.

Joslyn is now fitting in some 0-3 month old clothing! WAHOO
Looking back at her earlier pictures I was able to see that she has grown! It is funny sometimes we look at her and think she has not grown much... but if we look back at her pictures we can see a difference! It is true... she is growing. :-)


Jacky

7 weeks old

BIG NEWS!!!!! Joslyn is just now really fitting in her newborn size clothes AND she is now in size 1 diapers!!!!! WAHOO!!! Our little baby girl is getting a bit bigger! Even a pair of new born shoes that would once stay on only with socks are fitting her!

She continues to do well, no apnea episodes still. The monitor has gone off but they have been false alarms: loose connections from the band getting loose or moving around on her. We are practicing keeping the monitor off of her during the day (but not at night) so when they take her off of the monitor it wont be such a shock to us!

She is talking so much now and loves Mr. Fan and Mr. Tree! They seem to tell her the best stories! She loves being outside and watching the sky like something is going to happen, maybe she is talking to her two baby angels. I like to think that.

Mackinac was sick last week, poor baby. But he is feeling better now. The "dogtor" put him on antibiotics and gave him 2 shots. He has been eating boiled chicken with rice for almost a week (which he loves!) and his tummy is finally feeling better! He apologized to Grandma for making a yucky mess in her kitchen! (sorry grandma!)
So everything is going well!!!!


Jacky

6 Week check up

We just got back from Joslyn's 6 week check up.
GREAT NEWS!!! She is now 8 lbs 12 oz and 21 1/2 inches long! She is in
the 10-25% for her age group. 10% for her weight and 25% for her height. Her head is in the 5th% for age! Poor thing! She may still be a little small but from her last check up (April 25) she has gained one whole pound! So daddy and I are so happy about that!
The doctor put her on a new medicine called Reglan to help with her
reflux. She is still having feeding issues and the doctor thinks it is
from her refluxing while feeding. She gets the new medicine 4 times a
day and she is still on the Zantac 2 times a day. With any luck this
new medicine will help, but if there is no change in 2 weeks she wants
us to go back to her so they can try something else. Our next
scheduled appointment is in one month.
She talked about taking her off the Apnea monitor around 4 months old.
She wants us to start weening her off at 4 months so we get used to
her without it. I think that first night she will not have it on will
be a sleepless night for us. We know she is okay at night because of
the monitor... it will take some time getting used to.

Here is a picture of her taken yesterday. She was looking too cute so
I took a picture of her sleeping in her swing. See her little mouth?
She still has red hair and blue eyes. Her eyes are getting more blue
as the days pass.
WAHOO to 8 lbs 12 oz!!!!!!!

She is still doing wonderfully and the doctor kept on mentioning how wonderful she looks. We mentioned how many milestones she has reached already and how some are 2 month milestones, she said that is wonderful and that she is advanced and there is nothing wrong with that! hehe
All in all... a great and perfect visit!

Jacky

Mommy's doctor check up

We all went to my doctor check up yesterday. All turned out great and I am now off of my restrictions! The best part was everyone at the office got to see Joslyn for the first time. They all knew about her stay at Scottish Rite and a few people ended up calling us to make sure she was alright. It was so nice to have Dr. Kelley see her again, and we also had a picture to give him. Which he loved! It was a picture Stephen's mom took when Dr. Kelley first delivered Joslyn. He loved it! We also went by Dr. Windom's wing to visit him and his nurses. It was so great to give them Joslyn's announcement! Stephen and I have been waiting sooooo long to have our baby's announcement on his wall of fame! It kind of felt like a huge accomplishment!

It was also a huge feeling of accomplishment and closure to have our baby sitting with us in the waiting room. We had been in that room so many times.... most of those times we were so unsure of what was going to happen, we had many unhappy moments in those rooms too. But to be able to look at Joslyn sleeping so peacefully as we wait for the doctor..... It was really a dream come true. Stephen asked me if I thought that we would ever have her with us at the doctor's office. I had to think, but honestly...... no I thought we would never have her there with us. We have been through so much, i was beginning to think it would not happen for us. But it did, and it has! We were the couple with our beautiful baby waiting in the room, that was us! Not a stranger that I would look at wishing it was us.... it WAS us. But then I began to think if the couple sitting in the same room looked at us with the same wishes.


Jacky

5 weeks old

What an amazing little person Joslyn is! she has noticed toys in the past few days! She stares at them and yesterday she even began to hit the toys hanging from her car seat! She is just too smart. She is picking her head up and keeping it up, she thinks it is funny when we are trying to burb her and she wont keep her head down! She has also began to recognize Stephen's and my voices, when she hears us talking she will turn her head into our direction and look for us, when she sees us she smiles sooooo big! She is laughing now and trying to have conversations with us. She studies everyone she can, if we are talking to each other she will stare at us looking back and forth as if listening to the conversation! She is such an amazing miracle.
Last night she pushed her self to stand up while she was in Stephen's arms. He was only steadying her, not helping her stand. It was so crazy! I never would have thought I would see a 5 week old standing up! Then she bend her legs to squat and pushed her self up again! She did this a few times.
We go back to her doctor on Thursday so we will see if she gained weight, how long she is and we will speak to the doctor about her milestones she has reached REALLY early!

Yes, her hair is still red, her eyes are still blue, she is still in new born size EVERYTHING, and she has slept through the night 5 times so far!


Jacky

1 month old!

Yesterday was Mother's day, which means one month ago yesterday Joslyn was born! It was such a great Mother's day for me. This time I was able to hold our baby, kiss her, look at her, and love her. The day before Mother's day was the due date for our first angel baby, Lima Bean. One year ago he/she would have been born. It is hard to imagine that, and it still hurts as well. God gave us two angel babies before he gave us our miracle baby. I tell Joslyn every day that she has two angels looking after her and giving her strength. Is pent Mother's day just holding her and and staring at her. What a miracle she is and how blessed we are to finally have her. Honestly I still feel like I am a mommy of 4: Joslyn, Mackinac, and our two angel babies. They all had heart beats at one point, so to me they are all babies; whether they are here or not.

For Mother's day both of my babies, Joslyn and Mackinac, got me a silver heart locket with their pictures in it. The locket says "mom" on the outside. I just love it! It was the best Mommy' day, plus Joslyn turned one month on that day! That was a gift in itself.

I hope every one had a great mother's day, even if your babies are not there with you.

Jacky

3 weeks old!

Joslyn is now 3 weeks and 5 days old! It is just amazing to look at her and say you are 3 weeks old!!!!
She is doing amazing. She slept all night again last Saturday, so that makes 2 nights she has slept all night long.
We think she is about 8 lbs now... her new born clothes are still big on her and she is still in new born size diapers. No change there.... she is still our "Little Bit".
She is lifting her head up so high! She has managed to do things she is not "suppose" to do yet. She follows objects, focuses on people (especially daddy!), she is scooting, and lifts her little head.

Mother's day is coming up very soon, and she will be exactly one month on Mother's day!
I am so excited to have her with us to celebrate Mother's day. It will also be 2 years for our first due date. So having her will be a wonderful ending to a horrible memory.

Jacky

19 days old

We are adjusting wonderfully to our "new life" with our baby girl. She sleeps a good amount but she is staying awake more and more every day. She remains to be very very alert and she follows objects and people. She is now studying people and objects and will not remove her eyes from them. I have to say she is a pretty easy baby. (I knocked on wood...) the only time she cries is when she is hungry or very sleepy. She has her same night time feeding schedule, once or twice at night and that is all. Although Saturday night she slept ALL night long! I woke up at 6 to hear crying for food. Stephen looked at me and I asked him if he feed her earlier... he said "no, did you?" I said "No!" her first all night off sleep! (has not happened since.)

Mackinac does not seem to be bothered by her at all. He has sniffed her a few times, but that is about all. He is not bothered when she cries.... but when her monitor goes off he runs to it! Like he knows that something could be wrong. Thankfully they have been false alarms so far. He is just the best big fur brother ever!

We did tummy time the other night and used a bobby tummy time pad. She LOVED it! She kept on pulling her legs under her and pushing herself forward! At 16 days old! I think we are in trouble! hehe.

She got to met her great Aunt and Uncle over the weekend. She was, of course, wide eyed and awake the whole visit.

Just looking at her.... it is amazing! We have not yet taken her on a real outing. We think that will come soon! We may go to the park this weekend! That will be a video and picture moment for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacky

15 days old

Joslyn is now 15 days old today!

She is doing better with her apnea and reflux. She has not stopped breathing since we got home from Scottish Rite, so we are happy about that. She still does have feeding issues however. She will forget to breath while she is feeding, nursing or by the bottle. She will not swallow the breast milk and she begins to gurgle and her lips will turn blue. The only way to get her to breath again is to stop her from feeding and sit her up. Sometimes we have to blow in her face to get her to breath. It is scary, but her monitor has not gone off during these episodes. Her Apnea monitor is set to go off when she stops breathing for 20 seconds. Her feeding episodes only last a few seconds.

But other than that she is doing just wonderfully! She only wakes up once or twice during the night to eat and then goes back to sleep. She is not one of those babies who is awake all night long...... at least not right now. I hear it could change.

She got weighed yesterday at a weigh in appointment. She is a healthy 7 lbs 10.9 oz!
She has continued to gain ounces with each visit! After dropping to 6 lbs 10 oz at Scottish Rite.... 7 lbs 10.9 oz is WONDERFUL! She is not one to turn food away! hehe.

New born clothes still swim on her, but maybe some day they will fit!


Jacky

Update

Well, what a major change we have gone through! At 3 days old Joslyn was rushed to Children's Hospital at Scottish Rite in Atlanta. While I was nursing her she turned blue in the face and lips, then when i sat her up she began to return to normal. We took her to the ER and they rushed us to Scottish Rite. While waiting for the ambulance I attempted to feed her again and she turned blue again.

They ran a massive amount of tests on her: Spinal Tap, blood tests, EEG, Upper GI, Heart sonograms, you name it they ran it! We had to watch our 3 day old go through these horrible tests, and we could not make it stop. We are at Scottish Rite for 3 days while they monitored her. She had another episode there as well, while they were giving her Zantac. At that time she aspirated the medicine into her lungs.

She has been diagnosed with a moderate case of reflux and apnea. She does not spit up when the reflux acts up, she does not know what to do with it so she tries to breath it back in which causes her at aspirate and brings on the apnea.

She is on a Apnea monitor 24 hours a day, which will alarm us when she stops breathing. It is hard to see more wires coming out of our miracle, but while at Scottish Rite she had a dozen wires coming out of her. So we feel two wires is a lot better.

She is doing better now, no episodes since. We are feeding her while elevating her and giving her Zantac. We know that every other test came back perfect, so she is wonderfully healthy other than that.

It was a horrible experience. We got to Scottish Rite ER at 9:00pm and did not get into a room until 4:00 am. Our days did not end as we were awake making sure our little miracle was breathing every second of the day.

We thought that she was being taken away from us, after losing 2 angel babies we could not lose her. I am happy to say that she is not going anywhere unless we go with her. She is the strongest person I know. She did not fight any test, she did not complain one bit. She took everything like a trooper.

Joslyn is now 10 days old, and looking wonderful! She weighed in at 7 lbs 9.5 oz on Friday, April 18. After dropping to 6 lbs 10 oz while at Scottish Rite getting back up to her birth weight (and then some) was such a wonderful moment for my husband and I. Something she had accomplished! Our little miracle..... is a little miracle!


Jacky

we have our miracle!

Joslyn Olivia was born on Friday, April 11, 2008 at 1:31 pm. She weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long.
I was induced Thursday morning and had her the next afternoon. I was dialted 1 cm all the way through Friday morning. When the doc came in Friday morning at 8.. I was finally a 3.... he said that they would check me again at noon and if I had not progressed there was a chance of a C-Section. At 10:00 that morning, they had to give me another dose of the epidural. By 10:30 I was fast asleep! I was woken up to the nurse putting the bed down to check my progress. Low and behold... she said "we are ready! She is a 10 and +2 stage!" Everything began to happen so fast! I was so groggy from the epi and I was so numb. Joslyn was at that point face up so I had to push her to get her to go face down. The doctor checked me and said that it would be hours of pushing if I was unable to get her to face down. He left to finish a C-Section and said he would be right back.
After a couple of pushes Joslyn was faced down and ready! The pushing was the easiest thing! (probably because I was still so numb I could feel nothing but the urge to push.) The nurse had someone get the doc because she was at the point of trying to keep Joslyn in with her hands! When the doctor came in he saw how far along I was and he began to throw his scrubs on and told me to push! 5 minutes later she was born!

Her cord was wrapped around her neck pretty tightly, so the doctor had to cut the cord from her neck, but she was just fine. I was not able to hold her right away, but I was able to watch her come out (without a mirror!!) and the doctor showed me that she was okay before giving her to the nurse to make sure.

Her Apgar score was 8 at 1 minute and 9 at 5 minutes. She came out with her eyes wide open and her tongue sticking out!

She was amazing perfect! We finally have our miracle!

Jacky

39 weeks today!

One more week to go! How crazy this is! At our last visit my doctor stripped my membranes... in hopes it would stimulate Joslyn to come on out. Well no such luck. We got stripped on Friday and nothing happened all weekend. I have to say having that done was very much worth it. Of course my husband and I did ALOT of research on it. The process, the effects, possible risks, and so on. Our doctor said it would hurt and the only real risks is labor! He did it two times, it was very painful but maybe due to the fact I was still 1 cm dilated. He said that I may have slight spotting and he hoped to see me in labor soon. (No matter how badly it hurt I asked him to do it some more. He told me no, with a slight giggle.)
I had some spotting the rest of the day, and just wanted to rest. It was crazy but I felt violated! To be a bit honest it felt like I just had another DNC. That was scary and I was kind of nervous about that. I had too many feelings and memories that came back to me. But luckily I had my amazing husband who helped keep my mind away from the negative and kept me laughing. The stripping seemed to do two things though. My contractions that I have been having for 4 weeks now have seemed to intensify and my plug seems to be trying to come out. (If it is still even there.)

We are very much ready to met our little miracle, all we are doing is waiting for her to be ready to come out. She seems to like it where she is.... But all we want to do is count her pretty little toes and fingers, listen to her heart beating, watch her move around, and touch her amazing little self.


Jacky

37 weeks

We are now considered FULL TERM! Time to celebrate!! If you asked me last year if I thought we would ever be at this point in a pregnancy, I would have said "only in my dreams." Don't get me wrong, at every appointment I keep on expecting the doctor to say that something is wrong and that they will have to take Joslyn Olivia out.... asap.
But every appointment the doctor always says that everything is normal and perfect! But I still have that thought that something will go not right.
Maybe I think that so that something will not go wrong, expect the worse so when the best happens it is more of a celebration!
For the past two weeks we have been .5 cm dilated but my cervix has effaced to 80% last week. I have been having daily contractions... good ones the doctor calls them. Some are REALLY good ones! hehe. Ou last visit we saw a doctor that we have not seen yet.. he walked in, sat down, opened my file (my THICK file) and said "so you are having a daughter." OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that makes me cry just thinking of it! No one has said it like that before. My husband and I said "yes we are!" What a great feeling!

People have been asking me if I am scared about the labor. Honestly, no I am not. I see it that Joslyn Olivia has been working so hard for the past nine months. She has been so strong and brave that for a few hours I think I owe it to her to be just as brave and strong. (Not saying that I am not taking the epidural, because I plan on to when the pain gets too intense.) But if Joslyn can fight against the odds and survive, I think I can get her out.

Some days I still think, "I can not believe we are pregnant." The other night I told my husband that there was a little baby in my belly. It just seems like such an amazing dream, that sometimes I expect to wake up and not be pregnant. But everytime I do wake up....... there she is! All happy in my belly!


Jacky

34 weeks

We are now 34 weeks and 2 days along! Which means we only have 5 weeks and 4 days left! We are almost at our 4 week mark. It is amazing to us that we are almost done!
We had our baby shower over the weekend..... I cried on the way there. it felt like such a milestone, I just did not think we would ever reach! In the beginning of this pregnancy I would not even talk about a baby shower when others wanted to. I did not want to think that far ahead, I was only thinking day by day. Then all of a sudden, so it seemed, it was the day of our shower! Finally a day to celebrate an amazing miracle!
A day to celebrate Joslyn Olivia.

As we enter into our last stretch, we will soon be going to the doctor every week. We have one more apt next week and then we go weekly. That to me is such a milestone as well. You hear all the time of pregnant women going to the doctor every week because they are that far along. We have never reached that point. Our doctor is still telling us that we are NORMAL! I keep on expecting something to go wrong.... told that I am on bed rest, or something is not exactly right. But every time we go they say "you are normal, nothing is wrong." I still get chills when I hear those words. (as does my husband who has been to EVERY apt with me! he has not missed one apt. NOT ONE.)

We think this time we will actually leave the hospital with a perfect baby girl. What a thought... leaving with something instead of leaving empty handed!

Jacky

Research found...

I found this link at ABC.com: it states that women who have had previous miscarriages are more likely to have low birth weight babies or premature babies. Very interesting!

Worth reading!!!

Jacky

swollen feet and legs

Since I was 23 weeks pregnant, I have "suffered" from swollen feet syndrome. Last night was the weirdest experience yet far! I had my feet propped up above my heart, to relieve the fluid, when I noticed if I pushed on my feet that I had a lasting indention! The only way for the indention to go away was to work it out with my hands. So being the person I am, a picture fanatic, I took a picture of my big ol' feet, ankles, and calf area. I guess to keep as a momento.
I have to say, with all of the text book symptoms of being pregnant, none of them really bother me. Sure the back pain can be pretty bad, the constant potty breaks, swollen feet, emotional weirdness just to name a few, are somethings to deal with.... but atleast I know we are still healthy and right on track! What my doctor said to me while I was 14 weeks pregant still amazes me..... "you are normal." That simple phrase meant so much to my husband and I, that I still recall him saying it! Oh to be normal for the first time! What a relief!!! So with all of the symptoms, that some other women may complain about, I find them all to be such a mind ease! We are normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for those of us who have not had normal pregancies, had no true reason for our losses..... that is all we pray for.... to hear those magic words...... "you're normal."

Jacky

31 weeks!

We will be 31 weeks tomorrow! That means we will only have 8 weeks to go! I can't describe how amazing it is to know how close we are to finally having our amazing precious gift! A friend of mine asked me how much longer we have to go, when I told her how many weeks and days... she said "oh just want her to get out of you huh?" She took it the wrong way. I am not in any rush! It is just amazing to have 8 weeks to go when we never were able to get past 8 weeks pregnant before! Joslyn Olivia will come when she is ready, no rush here. Sure we want to hold her and love her.... more than anything! So in that aspect we want her to come!

For weeks she has been trying out to be the youngest Rockette! She must be taking after me, dancing before she knows anything else! hehe.

Every day is a gift, every time she moves or rolls around is a gift. My husband and I are so thankful to get this chance to start our family. To go from our lowest point to now was such a long road.... but now we have an end in sight. Our light at the end of the dark tunnel is only 8 weeks away!

Jacky

Miscarriage risks

There is new research that states caffeine can heighten a risk for miscarriage. Being underweight can cause the same outcome. For couples who have suffered such a horrific loss, a reason is all we want to find. If you are like my husband and I, these two "new" risks do not involve us. We do not drink coffee or caffeinated sodas, nor was I underweight or overweight during any of our pregnancies. But to some women this research can be their answer. Having a reason or an answer can make the difference between blaming yourself and understanding nothing could have been done. For us, throwing ourselves into our own research helped us to understand that their are so many causes for miscarriages, some unexplained and some explained. We have suffered both.

For those of you keeping tabs.... we are 30 weeks and 3 days along with our sticky bean, Joslyn. We are all doing very well...... finally! I have to say that we even did a ton of research in the beginning of this pregnancy, as we still are! Sometimes research is all we can do!

Jacky

29 weeks

We had our doctor visit today, and all went so well! Joslyn is measuring 29 weeks and her heart beat was up in the high 140-150 range. She is moving alot... I timed 15 kicks in 20 minutes this morning. So I was excited. We go back in 2 weeks.... to see our doctor. We are trying to get as much ready as we can for her arrival. Tonight we began to pack all of our bags to take to the hospital and we are getting our plans in order for Mackinac. We have two different people who are ready to take him while we are in the hospital. The next step is to bring those people over to our house so Mackinac can get to know them better. After all, he is our fur-baby! He is important too.

I have to say the BEST piece of equipment we have purchased is the Hi Bebe Fetal Doppler. My husband purchased it while we were 10 weeks pregnant, with Joslyn, to put our minds at ease. I have to say.... it has done the trick! Before we used it we checked with my doctor to see if it was safe, happily it is basically the same doppler they use so he said it was perfectly okay. We first used it while I was 10 weeks and we could not really pick up her heart beat that well. They say you can pick up a heart beat as early as 10 weeks... but it was very hard! We had to find the exact spot she was in.... then if she moved..... good luck finding her again. It was not until we were in our second trimester did we feel that it was well worth the money! In the beginning, we used it once a week or twice a week... depending on if we were nervous! We even used it over this past weekend...... it has always been very accurate. Not only does it give you the heart beats per minute.... but it also allows you to hear the heart beat. We picked up my heart beat ALL the time in the beginning.... but the bigger she got the easier it became to find hers first.

Due to our past history with pregnancies, it was so nice to have this doppler at home, so we could take it out when ever my emotions were a mess.... it gave us many nights of peaceful rest knowing she was still doing okay! I would highly recommend buying or renting a Fetal Doppler at any stage of a pregnancy, whether or not you have suffered a loss or not. Everyone can use some peace of mind!

Jacky

Comments after miscarriage

My husband and I heard A LOT of comments following our miscarriages. Most of them were people apologizing for our losses, sharing their stories with us, and some heartfelt comments.
But we did come across some unnecessary comments and responses.

Some people will say that they know how you feel.... realy? Do they? Unless they have gone through the exact same thing, the exact same loss, can they really "know how we feel"? Some women surprised me with their stories. They acted like their miscarriage was no big deal, and hey it happens. Which put me in a horrible place. Why was I taking it so hard? Why were my husband and I so devastated... not just after the first one but the second one too. But then I realized that some of those women did not care that they were pregnant in the first place. Sort of like if you did not want something so badly, why would you miss it when it was gone?

On the flip side, the women who miscarried and really were changed by it, really did know how we felt. We found support in their stories. We were very much surprised by how many women, we knew, that suffered such a tragic loss. Miscarriage seems to be a silent disease that no one talks about... that is until it comes up somehow.

I have to be the one that says it............ abortion is NOT a miscarriage. Miscarriage is not a choice like abortion is. I can almost guarantee 99.9% of women who miscarry did not have a choice the outcome. 100% of women who abort... well chose that outcome. I am not saying that abortion is a bad choice... there are reasons to abort...... but to abort a healthy pregnancy, is in no way a miscarriage. It breaks my heart when a women says she knows how you feel, when she chose the outcome.

Then comes the negative comments. I will never forget those comments. "you were too skinny when you got pregnant", "you should have done this or that", "You did not wait long enough for your body to heal after the last one", and the saddest one to me: "you wanted it this baby too badly." These comments are normally said by people who have never gone through such a horrific loss. Most times, the people who are saying these are trying to help, but they really only make it worse. Also, people who try to compare a loss of a family member (not of a baby) to a miscarriage often have the feeling that their loss was greater. It seems to be the mind set that they knew their loved one longer and you were only pregnant for a "short" time. This is very hard to take in. No loss should be compared to another. A loss is a loss, there is no other way to look at it.

"Life goes on." "It has been long enough..... get over it." "Why are you still sad?" "It was not even a baby yet." "You weren't even pregnant long." You know all the negative comments. These will bring back the pain faster and stronger.. no matter how long ago your loss was. It has been over a year since our first loss, and about 10 months since our second. I can tell you, I still think of them both every day. I still talk about our babies to my husband, I sometimes ask if he thinks that they knew that we loved them. I still ask God to love them the way we could not. We will never get to hold Lima Bean or Baby Heart.... and some people just can not understand the depth of that pain.

I can offer this..... Find people you can lean on. I found some people who are amazing! These women have suffered multiple losses like us, and they can honestly say that they understand our pain. I lean 100% on my husband as he is my rock. He is the strongest person I know (other than our baby Joslyn who is such a fighter, she is not letting go) and I know I could not have gotten through our miscarriages without him. But having women who have the same story with a positive outcome..... helped us both see the light at the end of a very long tunnel. You may be accused of being closed in, while you lean on your husband, partner, or one single person..... please don't let that get you down. One person may be all you need or all you can handle. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Please know that there is nothing wrong with anyway you handle your loss/losses. But it does help to find someone who has a similar story.


Jacky

First Braxton Hicks?

Last night I believe I felt my first Braxton Hicks contraction. I was checking my email and got up from the computer and felt a very sharp pain on my right lower side. It lasted only for about 10 seconds and it did stop when I was finally able to sit back down on the couch. My husband was keeping his eye on me for a bit, and when it did not happen again, we knew it was a Braxton Hicks contraction.
I use this website A LOT and I also have their pregnancy book, The BabyCenter Essential Guide to Pregnancy and Birth: Expert Advice and Real-World Wisdom from the Top Pregnancy and Parenting Resource http://www.babycenter.com/0_braxton-hicks-contractions_156.bc#articlesection0
They have a lot of really good information on there!

Today we have 79 days until our due date! All we want to do is hold our miracle baby and kiss her and love on her. We are very much ready for her to come, but we want her to come on her time... when she is ready.


Jacky

This pregnancy....

Had been so different! I am not one to throw up.... but let me tell you... for the first 14 weeks I was so sick! I threw up for no reason.... just when ever she felt the need to make me get sick! I have always hated throwing up.. but for some reason everytime I got sick.... I was so happy and thankful! That way I knew that she was alright....I would tell her every day that I wanted her to make me sick.. if that is what she wanted! I never thought I would love throwing up ever. The Prometrium did a number on my emotions! But it was so worth it! It also made me feel horribly sick, but that was worth it too.

Two days ago we turned into our 28 week of pregnancy, which means we are in our third trimester! I can not explain how much of a relief it is after going through everything we have. Joslyn is kicking, moving, and all that good stuff every day.
I started to count her movements when I was 26 weeks, I can count to 10 in 11-15 mins on most days.. one day was 30 mins. But that is still good since they say you should get to 10 kicks within 2 hours!

I plan on letting Joslyn know about her siblings, when she is older.
After all she is not our only child. I want her to know that she has 2
special angels looking over her, as they did from the very beginning.
I have a box full of everything we got from our other 2 pregnancies
and I plan on sharing that with her one day.

I talk to her every morning while I am in the shower and we do our
prayer. I have said the same thing since I found out we were pregnant.
I ask God to bless her and kep her safe and healthy. I thank him for
each heart beat, each kick, and each day. I even thanked him each time I threw up in the first 14 weeks!

I tell Joslyn every moring how much I love her and how proud we are of her. I let her know how far along she is, how great she is doing, and I ask her if she is ready for another day. I then kiss my figer and place it on my belly. Sometimes she will kick me while I am praying or talking to her.... just her way of telling me she is still with me! Her nick name will always be "Sticky Bean" as she is our little miracle baby.

My husband and I are so thankful to see the light. So thankful to have our chance to have our little Sticky Bean!

Jacky

28 weeks pregnant!

August 1,2007......... we found a BFP!!!!

The call to my husband at work was crazy! He knew I was gong to be taking a test... but he thought I was going to take it the day after. All I could manage to say was "loop we are pregnant!" I was shaking so bad! He said are you sure..... I said well the 3rd test is almost done! All 3 said BFP!!!!!!!! He told me to calm down... yeah right! I was so excited.... nervous.... but so excited! We got another chance!
This made our 3rd pregnancy in 11 months. Then started the calls to the doc and the trips to the blood lab.
The funniest part about this whole thing.... Just 2 weeks before I took the preg test... we were sitting in my doc's office because my body really never got back to normal after our second miscarriage. So we were talking about ways to help it along. He told me that if I did not start my next cycle by August 2... that he would put me on meds to help it start... only after I took a preg test that came back neg. Little did we know I was 2 weeks preg during that visit!!!!!!!! He was almost as shocked as we were when we came to him and said........ "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!"

This pregnancy is so different than the other 2. We have been right on track for everything. My progesterone was above what they wanted to see... which was a relief! I was 16.5 wen they wanted to see atleast 15. However they still put me on Prometrium... per my request as it would not hurt anything. I got blood tested more times than I can count for the first several weeks. When we went in for our 6 week visit..... Oh my gosh what a happy day! Her little heart beat was 120 bpm! All we saw was this little dot just beating so fast! And that sound................... oh how I love that sound! From that day one we named our little one "Sticky Bean." In the next 4 months... every visit we had at the doc we got an U/S.
Every U/S was perfect and wonderful! I can even say that at 10 weeks along... I felt my first "quickening" that was the morning of one of our visits. She was telling me she was okay. At week 18, we found out she was a she......and so we named her Joslyn Olivia. Her middle name means peace, which is what she has brought us.... peace.

Jacky

"Baby Heart" Our second loss

In February of 2007, I took a pregnancy test...... Once again THEY were positive! We were thrown right back into HURRAY mode. I called my doctor right away and they had me do blood tests. Sadly from the beginning my numbers were not right. My HCG was doubling like it should but my Progesterone levels were at 8 when they needed to be atleast at 15. I was put on Prometrium, a progesterone supplement. We were told it would be okay and that the med would raise my levels to where they should be. We went in for our 5 week and 5 day u/s.....We had a heart beat! We named him/her Baby Heart. To us that was the most important thing. However what we know now...... The heart beat was only 84 beats per minute. To us that was perfect..... maybe the heart had just started, and being 5 1/2 weeks along that was GREAT! But one week later, while I was at work, I began to bleed. I knew right away.

I thought that this pregnancy would be perfect. I had baby dreams, I was so positive! I knew that Lima Bean would look over us and protect the little one inside of me. But it seemed God had other plans. When I began to bleed we went right on for an U/S. Baby Heart still had a heart beat, but it was only at 90 bpm. We were told that it was not looking good, but not to give up hope. The doctors were great, and told me to go on bed rest.

We went right home, I was so scared of the pain that I just knew was coming. I told my husband that I was so scared of the pain. I stayed on the couch for 2 days straight, with my feet up. Not once did I have severe pain, no contractions, only blood. So I was beginning to think that maybe this one would still be okay. This time was so different than the last one. I was still upbeat about it.

When we went back to the doctor, 2 days after I began to bleed, we either expected there to still be a heart beat or worse.... have to have another D&C. We walked into the same U/S room, with the same u/s tech as all the other times...... ( I have to say we were sick of her and that room.... nothing against them but man we just wanted good news from her and that dang room.)
To our complete surprise..... there was nothing left. Baby Heart was completely gone. The only thing that was left was a few clots. Nothing left. Once again I had an empty feeling.

What did we do? Why were we having to go through this? Another loss 5 months after our first one. Some people will say that "you tried again too soon" or "you want this so bad that it is not happening." We did everything right... again! What was wrong with my body that I could not keep a baby. My husband thought the same thing about himself. I felt like I was a failure to him. He does so much for me.... and all I wanted to do was give him a baby. The one thing that I could do for him... I failed twice. I was convinced to find something wrong with me, so we could fix it!

My doctor considered me a high risk case, even though we "only" miscarried twice and they normally consider you a high risk case after 3. We did test after test.. all the tests that insurance would cover. Every single one came back normal. My husband and I then did our own research......via internet. I had a stack of "causes" to no avail.

I then found this website called Baby Loss
and I found some amazing women in the forums.
Their stories helped me through our losses, the support I found on there was so amazing. I would tell my husband all the time about the women on there and it helped us heal.

I bought 2 books online called "About What Was Lost: Twenty Writers on Miscarriage, Healing, and Hope" by Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D and "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby" by Jessica Berger Gross. I found myself lost in these books for hours.

We also made a memory garden in our back yard, on Mother's Day 2007. Lima Bean and Baby Heart each have their own stone with their name on it. It was and is a place we can go to and daze and remember.

It was a hard time to get past: the unknown, the losses, the pain, the broken dreams.

We still think about our lost angel babies... I think about them every day. I can speak about them and not cry every time. My husband and I do not bury their memories, we speak about them a lot. I talk to them both and I pray that they know how much they were and are loved.
You see we are parents... we have been since September 2006. We are parents of 2 angels in heaven.

Please do not feel like you have to wash away what you had. I hold our babies close to my heart, as does my husband. Never let go of them.... it will get easier. I used to base my good days and my bad days on a song I would listen to.. over and over again. If I cried then it was a "bad" day. If I managed to sing the whole song without a tear.... then it was a "good" day. My song is "I'm movin' on" by Rascal Flatts. I still, to this day, listen to that song and cry..... but I sing it to our babies, who sing it along with me.


Jacky

Our first loss

When my husband and I got married, I was 24 and he was 26. We had been together for 4 1/2 years before we got married. We wanted to wait until we got married to start our family.
We had read that it takes some couples 1 year to conceive, so to our surprise after only 2 months of trying (3 months to the day after we got married) I was pregnant!!!! We were so excited that we began planning right away. I went on prenatal vitamins right away, drank tons of water every day, stopped picking up our fur-baby (even though he weighed 15 lbs at the time) not to mention a ton of other things! We even bought pregnancy books so we can read week by week updates! The size of our little baby, what it looked like each week, the major changes that was happening in any given week. We even nicknamed our first little one "Lima Bean" as that was the shape he/she was at one point. Yes we were proud from the first positive sign on the home preg test!

Everything seemed to be going very well. I was even able to get in to see my new OB when I was 5 weeks along. Then one day, 3 weeks later, I began to notice light brown spotting when I went to the bathroom. Then I noticed that I had went most of the day without running to the bathroom. I told my husband about it and he tried to reassure me that I was fine and so was our baby. That night I just layed on the couch hold my tummy, trying to protect our little one.
The next morning I called my doc. They told me to come in since I was only one week away from my U/S appointment and they would take a look. My husband and I rushed into the doc's office waiting... waiting... waiting. Finally they called me in. I think the woman doing the U/S was as surprised as us when we found our "Lima Bean" just laying there in my belly looking perfect as can be.... but without a heart beat. That is when our world came crashing down. My husband asked her "is that our baby?" but she did not respond right away. Finally she said "yes, but there is no heart beat. I am sorry."

I have never lost it the way I did in that room. All I could do was look at that picture of our poor baby, not moving but still looking so perfect. Another woman was called in to verify... We were suppose to be 8 weeks and 2 days, but "Lima Bean" was only 7 weeks and 2 days. We had what is called a "Missed Miscarriage."

I can remember everything from that day. From the stillness in that u/s room, to the office they put us in to "discuss our options", from the tears in my husbands eyes while trying not to let them fall so he could be strong for me.

We were sent home to see if my body would let go of our baby on its own. But 2 days of intense pain and bleeding...... it had not. I went through one night of severe contractions only to find out the next day that nothing had happened. We had no choice but to have a D&C. So three days after we found out we had lost our first baby, I had surgery to remove her/him.

No one can really say that they understand what we were going through unless they went through it themselves. People were supportive while we were going through the loss..... but after it was done........ people went on with their lives and thought we should too.

It is okay to be lost, it is okay to feel empty, it is okay to mourn. We had a baby from the first BFP. No one really understood that. My husband lost his first baby, had to watch me go through a mountainous amount of pain knowing he could not stop it. Everyone knew we were pregnant and now we had to tell them that we were no longer. "No longer" is hard to describe.
People can say "it was not a baby... it was not born." A baby is a baby from conception. Lima Bean did have a heart beat at one time.............. he/she was just not strong enough to hold on.
We decided that we would try again, as soon as possible. As we are the type of people that if we don't get it right the first time.......... we will try and try again!

That is just what we did and 4 months later, I was taking another pregnancy test.

Jacky

Our Story

My husband and I got married in June of 2006, 3 months later we got a BFP (big fat positive home pregnancy test) one month later our baby had no heart beat. 4 months later we got another BFP and once again we found out one month later that we were losing our second baby. With 2 losses so close together, we tried so hard to find ways to cope with the pain and hurt. We were shocked to find almost NOTHING on the internet about miscarriages and how to deal. As little information that I found for me.... there was even less information to help my husband. I was able to find a few people and resources with similar stories to help us get to the healing stage. But it was hard! My hope with this blog is to share our story and to help one person/couple in knowing that they are not alone.

I am happy to say that we are now almost 7 months pregnant with a wonderful baby girl. I will blog about her, our pregnancy (past and recent), and continue after she is born. I found that talking to people who had a similar story to us and had a wonderful full filing outcome, let us know that there was a light at the end of the dark tunnel.

Jacky